I'm going to be honest with you, dear reader. This week I'm really struggling with writing this blog. This week I've been through so much emotionally I feel like I've experienced whiplash. This week I want to remind everyone kindness matters.
In the spirit of transparency, I have been dealing with some pretty dark intrusive thoughts. Trying to juggle a kid, a house, a new business, mental health, friendships, and desperately trying to turn over a new leaf is not easy. True, we are not promised an easy life. Also true, I'm not doing this alone. That doesn't take away how draining mental illnesses, especially intrusive thoughts are. If you've been reading for a while, you know October was a rough month for me. While I'm happy to report I've been fighting like mad to get my feet under me and build a stronger foundation for the next hard month- and been mostly successful. I must also report my mind has not been kind.
For those of you who do not have to deal with intrusive thoughts, they are unwanted and often distressing thoughts or images that can be either spontaneous or cued by certain stimuli. My particular intrusive thoughts seem to be cued by external stress. Everything feels like a top priority chore. I have been feeling in some level of crisis for weeks on end. Nothing ever stops and I feel like I'm never allowed a chance to sit and just exist.
Here's the crazy part of my existence. Most of my busy is in my head. The worst combination in the world? Intrusive thoughts and executive dysfunction. I struggle with starting projects, then my brain randomly tells me how worthless I am because I can't do anything. Sometimes my anxiety likes to join the party. Just for fun.
Don't get me wrong, this is not a pity party. I have been experimenting with a new timer system to get things done, even if it isn't at the pace I want to be at. The basic idea is to set a timer for 25 minutes and do one chore until the timer goes off, then reset the timer for 5 minutes for a break. Rinse, repeat. Personally I've been tweaking the formula a little to be more effective in my scenario. I have been working hard to develop a self care routine that will be easy to follow for the next slump and seamlessly incorporating some of my products into that routine. Small steps are still progress. All progress is good progress.
Nothing is easy for me. Every day is a battle of some kind. That doesn't mean I can't take victories when they happen, no matter how small. Just please, dear reader remember to be kind. Walk gently in the lives of others, not all wounds are visible. And if you're someone who is struggling, please seek the help you need. I have a blog that details some resources if you or a loved one is struggling. Check out Awareness in September for more information. It's okay to not be okay, it's okay to find help.
Peace to you,
Willow R.
Owner, Rooted in my Strength
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