Ever notice how hard we are on ourselves? Personally, I give everyone around me the benefit of the doubt and a lot of grace when they make mistakes. If I make a mistake, or even let myself give in to being tired? The gloves come off in a big way.
This blog was actually really hard to write this week. Lately I've been finding it difficult to do much of anything beyond the bare minimum. And, of course, because I have let myself just exist in the bare minimum, I haven't been very kind to myself lately. To slow down and get a fresh perspective, I had to ask myself if I'd let anyone talk to my dearest friend like this- of course the answer is no.
If I were to back up a bit, say anyone else was really struggling because of the season change, upcoming holidays, a random illness, chronic pain, and still in the middle of a significant transition, I'd tell them of course they feel exhausted and unprepared to give their all to everything else on their plate. More than that, I'd tell them they are allowed to choose rest before rest chooses them.
This has been a massive part of my narrative for as long as I can remember. I was always so anxious about everything under the sun and held myself to a really high standard. I still do this to myself. I expect everything of myself. Every part of my life has to have in order all the time. Everything has to look shiny and any onlooker must wonder how I do it all or I have failed. Does that sound realistic or sustainable to you? The result is always the same, I'm not able to match the vision and I come down hard on myself. I tell myself I need to do better to be better. I tell myself it's embarrassing an adult can't keep up basic house keeping, a business, a kid, and maintain a totally healthy lifestyle. I tell myself I will only attract bad things to myself if I can't figure out how to be better.
Let's add some reality to this nightmare. I'm a single parent. I maintain housework, repairs, yardwork, and plumbing. I memorize and juggle the schedules of four people. I do everything possible to keep my kid happy, safe, and healthy. I live with PTSD, anxiety, and depression and right now is the most triggering time of the year for me. I live with chronic pain that often affects my mobility, sometimes for days on end. If I don't stay on top of my mental health I start to spiral, worsening the chronic pain. I also have an older cat who is starting to need more attention, everything involved with him is brand new to me and I'm entirely self taught. I run this business to the absolute best of my ability, with content, blogs, new contacts (hello and welcome friends).
Does it make sense I'm exhausted and sluggish? Yes. Am I human with built-in limits and self care needs? Yes. Do I deserve rest and grace? Yes.
If this sounds like you, living in a personal nightmare of perfection with seemingly no way out, you are not alone. You are a human being inherently deserving of grace, rest, and desserts. I haven't found a solution to my path, but I have found little things that make the battle against perfection a little easier.
I like lists. I have lists for my lists. To reduce that relentless dread I'm not doing enough, I choose three things on any of my lists for the day. Anything else done after that is a bonus point. If I'm really struggling with any of my three things, I give myself just five minutes to do that thing. After five minutes if I'm still struggling I just move on to the next task.
I love tea. It's a miracle my blood isn't made of the stuff. I give myself breaks throughout the day to just focus on the full process of tea, without multitasking- unless it's to choose something yummy to eat with the tea. From filling my kettle to finishing the last drop, nothing else matters.
I've given myself a general schedule. I've broken down my day into micro business hours. House maintenance, business choices, time with my kid, and personal time. Of course this isn't a strict by the hour schedule, but I do my best to keep these areas to their times in the day. House maintenance is generally in the morning and early afternoon, if something doesn't get done before 2 it gets bumped to my reset time at the end of the day. I then give myself a break and move on to making quick rounds with my online presence, taking notes about what posts are doing better than others. Then I spend time with my kid until she needs to go to bed. Once she's settled for the night I have a quick reset time, anything not done that can be done in 20 minutes is taken care of. I give myself a few hours to line up posts and blogs as far out as possible and start winding down for the night. My personal time is spent reading and listening to music. Of course things get shaken up, I just roll with change as it comes. I also keep a journal to explore random prompts I've saved on my Pinterest account.
Giving myself permission to not be perfect has really changed so much. I'm kinder to myself, I'm more present with the people in my life, I actually enjoy the little things.
Deep breath, dear reader, we don't need to be perfect.
Release yourself from the plight of perfection.
Blessings,
Willow R
Owner, Certified Aromatherapist
Rooted in my Strength
