Emotions can feel like powerful waves, sweeping us off our feet into a riptide of turmoil. One of the most powerful of these emotions is fear. Fear, like every emotion, is a messenger to our bodies that something is overwhelming or needs to be avoided. If you're anything like me, dear reader, you've let fear be more than a messenger more than once. Maybe you've let fear take control of your life and hold you back from living the way you want. Let's walk through how to squash fear and take back our power.
Let's start from the top, of the body that is, in the brain. The human brain is a wonderful, complex thing that is still being studied today- personally I don't see how we'll ever fully understand everything about the brain or how it works. What we do know is the brain comes with a built-in alarm system made of specialized parts that process information gathered by our senses. This system is so fast more often than not we've made a decision about all that gathered information before we're even aware we are making a decision.
Ever notice how bad memories seem to stick out like a sore thumb? The brain is wired for survival, which means it needs to hold onto memories involving content deemed unsafe for future reference. Dark alleys, crossing the street, and public speaking can all feel scary if the brain felt unsafe around these things. Ready for something cool? The brain can't tell if content we see on a screen is real or not. That's why it can feel like our favorite celebrities and influencers are actually close friends instead of actors we've never met.
I'm a big fan of author Stephen King, one of the first books I read by him was "It," the famous clown terrorizing a small town. I loved that book and read it often. Until I saw the recent movie that came out around 2017. Something changed in me and I couldn't stand to be around red balloons for months. I knew every twist and turn coming my way, every jump scare. I know this story like an old friend. I think the sudden fear came from actually seeing the story play out, my brain was made to feel unsafe and it decided "It" was around every corner. Now I wonder if some of the horror for me stems from the idea of an inescapable thing, tailored just for the target to drag out as much fear as possible. Sounds a lot like trauma to me!
Trauma happens when we feel our life is in danger and we can't fight back- yes there's so much more to it, stay with me. We know the brain is wired for survival and will remember dangerous things to avoid them later on. What happens after a life threatening event, especially an event we have no power over? Anything that reminds us of that event later on could look dangerous to the brain and activate a stress response. Dear reader, that is a trigger in a nutshell. But what about other kinds of fear?
The brain likes to be alive, it also likes to be comfortable in familiar environments and routines. Something not yet experienced can feel scary because we don't know how it's going to play out. I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life, living in fear of rejection, humiliation, and worst of all the unknown. "What if" has been a favorite game of my brain for decades! What if something goes wrong? What if this person says no...what if they say yes? What if I look silly? What if someone thinks poorly of me? This spiral has held me back from living my life. Even today I struggle with deciding if I want to buy a bicycle because I don't know bike laws and my brain wants to know "what if you get pulled over by a cop and go to jail?"
Life is full of change and new experiences. If Hallmark has taught us anything it's exactly that.
Alright, now we know more about the brain. We know fear is a natural thing to experience as humans with brains. The next step is learning what to do with fear. Let's start with this: exposure therapy is not effective. Exposure therapy is slowly introducing someone in fear to something distressing to them until they "learn" to "cope." What exposure patients actually learn is how to dissociate without actually dealing with their fear. They check out and become numb to the world around them, which is a defense mechanism from the brain to keep us safe when we can't escape.
Easing into something that feels scary can help. I like using visualization before going somewhere new, I choose to see myself experiencing something new and succeeding. Going to a doctor's appointment? I visualize the conversation, what direction it will go in, even that I'm able to ask questions. I picture myself being assertive when I need to be. Recently I've noticed a lot of the feelings that come up when I'm feeling anxious in a crowd are dramatically reduced when I take certain steps to change how I perceive my surroundings. I carry my pair of Loops everywhere I go, combined with my aromatherapy inhaler I feel prepared to take on any crowed anywhere. When I have specific plans to go somewhere that might be crowded, I take time in the morning to slow down. I take extra time to do my morning skin care routine. I drink an extra cup of tea. Sometimes I decide on a loose plan to follow so I don't need to use up resources making decisions later in the day when I know I'll be feeling worn out.
If I need to interact with someone new, anyone from a date to a doctor to a crowd, I tell myself I'm feeling excited for new opportunities and not afraid of the new interaction. The brain can't tell the difference between anxiety and excitement. It's not that the new thing coming up is scary, it's that it's unfamiliar. New doesn't have to be scary, new is exiting and fresh.
At the end of the day, fear is just a feeling. Feelings don't last, memories do. Be afraid and do it anyway.
I hope you have a peaceful week, dear reader. Go out and try something new, maybe not unafraid, but courageous enough to try anyway.
You got this.
Blessings,
Willow R
Certified Aromatherapist
Owner, Rooted in my Strength
