Let's be real honest here. There is a heavy expectation on everyone, especially women, to look a certain way. How many times have you been waiting in line at a store and seen the cover of a gossip magazine with a magical way to drop a ridiculous number of pounds in a small window of time? I know I have fallen prey to the infomercials centered around some miracle drug or exercise program that swears you'll shed all that unwanted weight. And in this era of filters and photoshop, everyone is held to an even more impossible standard.
I have always hated how I looked. I was ashamed of my hip dips and "belly fat." I was never really bullied about my size, I'm still working through why I can't stand looking in a mirror. I know I had a 60 year old man tell me I was too big when I was 9 years old. That he was concerned for my health. I want to be very clear. A person's weight is never the sole indicator of their health- it's also not okay to call them out for not being a size 0. I also want to express health is not an indicator of a person's value. I know I have seen those magazines stacked at the grocery store, their glossy covers adorned with gorgeous women. I wanted to look like those women and didn't really understand why. I will spare you my rant about the male gaze and how much hold it has over literally everything. I will also gloss over how children these days are being offered increasingly more adult looking clothes and accessories.
It never truly sank in how much I internalized skinny culture until after I had a baby. I didn't bounce back like I expected. Actually the day I was cleared for physical activity I fully expected I was going to be able to follow a Pilates DVD with very little struggle. Even though only 6 weeks beforehand I had pushed a 7 pound human being out of my body. I never fully understood just how much my body had changed until I couldn't preform a roll up- which is basically a type of a sit up. Back in the day, my abs were my pride. I was able to do 100 sit ups in a row without stopping. That ability, the one thing I felt set me apart in gym class was suddenly taken away from me. I want to revisit how much I hated my "belly fat" and why that phrase is in quotations. Did you know the biologically female body should have a small pouch at the lower abdomen? There should be a layer of fat there because it is protecting the organs that sit at the lower abdomen. I didn't know that and detested that area so much I would do anything to try and get rid of it. Anyway, since having my baby I have been attacked for my weight more than when I was growing up. When I was running my entertainment business, a stranger found my personal Facebook account and made a point to message me, he told me I was too fat and ugly to even be associated with the business.
I have now made it one of my many missions to drop the weight. But not the weight you might expect. Yes, I am overweight and I know for myself and my body I do need to make healthier options. That's my personal choice. I have decided to drop the thousand ton weight of society's expectations. I will drop the idea I must look like a runway model to exist. I will drop the idea to be someone worth listening to I must be a size 0. I will drop the idea I am not beautiful. And I invite you to do the same, whatever dropping certain expectations mean for you.
Pretty is not the rent I pay to exist. I fully reject the idea my value at all lies in how I look. We are all valuable, worthy, gorgeous, handsome, beautiful human beings. It's time to drop the weight put on us by cosmetics, magazines, and skinny culture.
Peace to you,
Willow R
Owner, Rooted in my Strength
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