Permission for Freedom

Get rid of the idea that you owe anyone anything. You do not owe anyone your time or energy. You do not have to entertain anyone. You do not have to repeat past behavior. You do not owe anyone anything.

This has been a hard earned lesson for me. I fully recognize that I am a people pleaser. This is a learned behavior to stay safe and I can release myself from that behavior. You can release yourself from being a people pleaser.

Personally, I’ve been following through on holding up my boundaries with neighbors. In the past I have allowed my neighbors to cross lines out of fear of an altercation. I want to clarify that no one in my home is in any danger. I am a non confrontational person. I can’t stand disagreements of any kind. I also can’t stand constant badgering. I can’t stand living in fear of being harassed. My energy is more important than making someone else feel important.

That is not to say I’m throwing kindness and courtesy out of the window. In all things there is balance. Being on a walk with my daughter and having to deal with the neighbor’s nonstop chatter every time we want to be on a walk is not balanced. I do not owe my neighbor any of my time and I’m finally walking in that.

My entire life I have put my own needs aside for anyone and everyone else. For most of middle school and all of high school I spent countless sleepless nights talking with my friends. Usually they needed to vent because being a teenager is hard. Sometimes I had to talk people into seeing the next sunrise. And while I’m glad my friends survived high school, my education suffered. I started falling asleep in class, I didn’t eat lunch trying to catch up on homework and study for tests. And even then, I kept myself open to others needing some form of attention. It was miserable.

I want more for my daughter and I have to be her example. For the first time ever I have solid boundaries. Yes, those boundaries are tested frequently but I have a lifetime of learning to do and I will always be glad to learn how to live a life of peace. I need to teach my child she does not have to entertain anyone. She does not have to interrupt her life to make an adult feel validated. It is not my daughter’s job to make anyone feel validated.

It is not your job to make anyone feel validated. There are ways to support and uplift your friends and family without surrendering your peace. Use boundaries and stick to them, and when someone tries to cross that line give yourself permission to be firm. Don’t be afraid to lose people that have been in your life for a long time. I have lost friends I knew for a decade. That hurt, it still hurts if I think about it too long. But I have never felt so free. I have given myself permission to not worry about them, they make their own choices. And when it comes down to the real definition of friendship, those people I gave so much of my energy and life to were never really my friends.

Guard your energy, especially if you are a giving person. You do not owe anyone your peace.

Peace to you,

Willow