Here's a radical thought for you. It is okay to make yourself a priority. The priority. Not only is it okay, it's not selfish.
If people pleasing was a sport, I would be a decorated Olympian. I have always struggled with saying no, with assertiveness, with allowing other people to use my energy. Learning how to not only lay down boundaries, but stick to them has been a difficult lesson. I feel uncomfortable saying no. I still stay awake at odd hours to talk my friends through their issues, a habit I mentioned in Permission for Freedom.
In an earlier post Refresh Your Habits, I mentioned a big change in my life. The first day of this change, I spent, in total around half my day on my feet. I could have held a line and changed tasks to spare my back but I didn't want to be a bother. I have always wanted to appear independent, someone dependable. Often, wanting to seem dependable has been at my expense, either physically or emotionally. I could drone on and on with all the ways I have prioritized other people ahead of my own needs.
The real question, and the real work lies in how to hold your boundaries and maintain them. Everyone is different, and everyone's lines are different. Mark Groves said "Walls keep everybody out. Boundaries teach people where the door is," and I could not agree more. Even though saying no and being assertive feel like Herculean tasks, every single time I maintain a boundary I feel free. On the last day of my change, someone tried to blame me for not having something done. Two days prior I made a request that would have solved the issue entirely. Instead of rolling over and taking on the blame, I voiced reality. The rush of joy I felt was honestly the highlight of my day.
Please, dear reader, do not let anyone walk over you. Draw a line in the sand and defend it. You are precious. You deserve to be your own first priority. Take care of yourself.
Peace to you,
Willow R.
Owner, Rooted in my Strength
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